The LazyAssGeek’s

Ah Gregbo, it’s good to know some things never change!

This past weekend Rick, Chris, Steve, Greg, Jim and I, collectively known as “Old Guys” or perhaps more appropriately “Creepy Old Guys”, revisited our youth.  We met in Dayton at the Marriott (we can afford to stay there these days) on Saturday afternoon, had a few beers at the hotel bar and then headed out to hit the old haunts.

The first stop was Brown St. What was a street of old, run-down buildings with bars & shops is now a newly renovated, fancy brick-facade row of shops and bars.  One of the shops is Flyer Spirit, essentially a swag annex to the bookstore. We dropped in there so Steve could continue the brainwashing of his poor, impressionable children. Within about 2 minutes the rest of us were predictably bored, so we, also predictably, left Steve to his t-shirt shopping and headed to one of the few shops that was there when we went to school – Second Time Around. When we last did this reunion thing in 2002 we had stopped in and it had undergone a major renovation vs “the old days” so it was nothing to new to most of us, except Chris.  Chris was busy being a good Dad and husband since his daughter was about 2 weeks old when we were there last so his were the only eyes doing the whole “wow” thing at that place.  Rick of course bought a couple of CD’s – an “old” Nickelback disc and something else I don’t recall. From there we walked across the street to the Bar Formerly Known As The Shed and had a beer.  It too had undergone a remodeling that we had experienced in ’02, if one less impressive than Second Time Around’s. The “Miller Lite” they served either wasn’t, or they hadn’t cleaned the lines in months, so we moved on after 1.

We walked up Woodland to see a house that Chris had spent a semester in with a couple of friends and then headed onto campus, walking by the Garden Apartments where we lived at the end of our UD Experience, remembering our youthful housemate Raoul “Ed” Inesta. A big “hey dude” to Ed, wherever you be. We headed to the Kennedy Union in search of our next beer, but even though the bowling alley & pools tables were open, the bar was closed.  Wrong, so very, very wrong. Of course there wasn’t a bar in the place when we were there, so we were used to that and moved on.  The next stop was the new rec center… oh my what a place.  What was “The PAC” in our day is now that incredible, modern facility, complete with a smoothies bar of course.  Just.. wow.

After having experienced all that on-campus opulence the poor students of today must endure we decided to head into the area we expected would be little-changed, The Ghetto. We were not disappointed.  Though there are a few new buildings, including an apartment building, most of the housing looked exactly like it did 20 years ago, with perhaps a coat of paint attempting to spruce things up here and there. We turned to walk down the 400 block of Lowes where some of the guys had lived (456, upstairs back as they recalled) and that’s where the fun began. The first house we passed had a group of guys sitting in the side yard playing drinking games and we were immediately invited to join Joe and his buddies for a beer… or three. While this was certainly appreciated, the first question Joe had for us was if we were there dropping off our kids.  After recovering from this rather low blow (dammit, it’s 5 years until that’s possible!) we forgave Joe and let him hand us the beer of choice amongst the students, Natty Light.  Yes, it’s awful, but it’s not much more awful than The Beast and they drink it for the same reason we drank Beast, it’s cheap! We were informed that Natty is the choice because they’re they same price, but Beast doesn’t come in 30 packs!

After saying thanks to those boys we moved on down the block, and made it exactly 2 houses before getting called over again by a group of kids hanging out in a small pool, about 3′ deep and maybe 8′ in diameter. They of course wanted us to join them in the pool and practically as one, the 5 of us turned and looked at Greg.  With perhaps a hint of a resigned sigh, he took on the challenge, pulled off shoes, shirt and glasses and in the finest Gregbo fashion, went headlong into the pool at a full gallop. “The bottom comes up pretty quick” he said while rubbing a spot on his forehead.  Chris of course was video taping the event.. or was he? Turned out the useless POS missed the shot!  Now that statement may ruin my chances of ever getting the pics from him I need to truly complete this posting, but we gave him shit all evening about it so I figure consistency is the best course. Rick took Greg’s glasses over to him at the pool and I followed, because, well Natalie and her incredibly drunken birthday-girl friend were standing over there and they are WAY better looking than even Jimmy. Didn’t hurt of course that they were wearing bikinis (the girls that is) and frankly, while I don’t remember this sort of behavior while WE were in school (damn I feel old) I strongly support it. Greg got out of the pool after a beer and while Rick & I continued to chat up the girls and were paying him no attention, he did another dive in the pool resulting in the inevitable and purposeful splashing. This of course was followed by a voice saying “hey, Old Guy, weren’t you wearing glasses?”  Oops.  “Everybody, look for Old Guy’s glasses.” You’ll be pleased to know, no doubt, that Greg’s glasses were found in short order and with no visible damage. After another shot across the Old Guy bow with the question “So, what are you guys doing tonight when you go out?” we gave each other that “we’re not out already?” look, thanked the ladies and moved on down the street.

We again made it about 2 houses before getting flagged down by the boys @ Alpha Nu Omega on the other side of the street.  These boys gave us the opportunity to rinse some of the Natty Light out of our mouths with Keystone Light.  Not that we didn’t know it already, but Natty Light’s deficiencies as beer become quickly evident when Keystone Light tastes so darned good! After having a few with them we decided that it would only be fair to give share the love, so we headed to The Deli (can you believe I can’t find a website for them!) to get some beer and re-cruise the block.

We got sidetracked along the way because the boys wanted to walk down Lawnview to see #14, their first place post-Stewart Hall. We walked down Stonemill from there and got Shanghai’d by the boys of Pi Kappa Alpha, aka “The Pikes.” The Pikes were having themselves a nice party, complete with beach volleyball (a fully sand-covered lot between their house and the next) and a singer with an acoustic guitar on the front porch. We were invited inside and the house looked a whole lot like a mirror image of the one we lived in at 221 Iriving (which according to this link is known as “The Shitstain” and I can’t argue the point) and talked with one of the frat guys about his plans to become a pediatric surgeon. Jimmy decided he wanted to play volleyball and while he certainly looked comfortable out there, we weren’t sure how his teammates felt about sharing the court with one of the Old Guys! I forget which of us suggested that it would be cool if Rick could step up on the “stage” but it could very well have been me, so I’ll take the blame. The guy who’s gig it was that night, also named Rick, was very gracious in allowing Rick to steal some of the limelight and gave him a great intro.  Rick played “Brown Eyed Girl” and “Margaritaville” and it was great, but I will never forgive my fellow Old Guys for hanging me out on “where the fuck’s the salt!”  Not that their lack of participation stopped me, of course.  Almost inevitably, two bicycle police stopped along the curb across the street while Rick was playing.  Fortunately they seemed content to listen to the Old Guy play and the rest of us figured hell, we hadn’t bought the beer, we were legal to drink it and doing so on private property so worst case it was only Rick that would get hauled off. “WHERE THE FUCK’S THE SALT!?!”

Finally we were able to make it to the Deli after that and as we were apparently in Rome, we bought some Natty Light.  We ran into a couple of the guys from Alpha Nu in there, one of whom wanted me to buy him cigs.  Old Guys have the right to be contentious, capricious and hypocritical, so I told him no, I’d buy him beer all night but not cigs!  All the while Rick was grabbing a pack of Swisher Sweets.  I mentioned the hypocritical part, right?  Well at least my dad would be proud…. kinda.  The guy wasn’t thrilled with me, but made a point of several times telling me he respected it.  Swishers lit up and smoking, 30 packs in hand we headed back to the Alpha Nu house, saying hello to the 4 nice Dayton Police officers just across the street. The UDPD are somehow now an extension of the Dayton Police so they not only have actual authority, they carry guns! Everybody together now <shudder>.

We had a few more beers with the Alpha Nus, Chris getting caught having a disturbing conversation with the aforementioned cigarette-needy dude and then moved across the street to a party being hosted by a group of lovely girls.  Rick & Greg teamed up to get their asses kicked, and their drunk-on completed, at a game of Beer Pong.  The rest of us chatted up the ladies, delightful every single one of them, and watch groups of girls walk buy dressed to kill.  It being nearly midnight at this point (we hit the first stop on Lowes at around 6!) the Ghetto was really awake and the students were all headed to that previously mentioned “out.”  A tip of the hat ladies, the Old Guys approve!

It was pretty clear that after all that beer we were in desparate need of some food.  So we said thanks, goodbyes, waved to all the great folks that treated the Old Guy alums far better than we deserved and headed down to Brown Street.  Our intent was to go to Milano’s but amazingly, they had their doors locked so no subs for us.  We wandered across the street instead to BW3′s where they were happy to provide some spicy chicken and fries to help us start to soak up the Natty Light.  <NASCAR moment>I was able to catch the end of the Bristol race there and see Carl & Kyle’s post-race dust-up</NASCAR moment> while the music pounded into our already-troubled skulls. Did I mention it was loud?  This wasn’t our Dad’s loud, which basically means more than 4 voices in the same room, this was LOUD-loud, the real deal.  So we didn’t extend our stay at BW3′s, moving on as soon as we all had eaten.

It was a mutual decision that the Old Guys were D-U-N done and we began the long walk back to the Marriott, of course passing another group of UD’s finest.  I don’t remember seeing that many cops in any single year out there than we did that night.  Did I mention the guns? <shudder> There had been talk about having one more beer at the hotel bar when we left BW3′s, but by the time we made it to the hotel we were all ready to head to our rooms. We agreed to meet up the next morning at 10 for a debrief and maybe breakfast.

So another round of thank yous to Joe, Natalie and her drunk friend, the boys at Alpha Nu, the Pikes and everybody that gave us thumbs up, let us look in houses we used to live in and made us more than welcome.  The Old Guys thank you, and we’ll show up again in 5 years to take advantage of the next generation of Ghetto Dwellers!

Chris willing… pictures and maybe even video to come!

Update 9/14/2008  Chris got us the pics.  Thanks Chris! Click the thumbnails for the larger versions.