The LazyAssGeek’s

Turns out that one is also paved with good intentions. Such as the intention to write a little bit here & there during the trip. It’s now a week since we drove from Köln to Öhringen and I barely found time to finish up the post about Amsterdam and the first night in Köln. We’re now in the very small village where Biggi’s father lives, and I’m sure it has a name but I have absolutely no idea what it is at the moment. So what I’ll try to do now is get us from Tuesday leaving Köln through Friday.

Tuesday morning we headed to DYNOS where we again met with Klaus-Peter. After a coffee and a brief meeting we drove over to the production building and toured it. Nothing much had changed to my eye since 2000, though I’m sure there are tons of details that have changed. But making Vulcanized Fibre hasn’t changed much in 100 years, you take giant rolls of paper, feed the number of plys required to get the resulting thickness you’re aiming for, dip them in a really nasty Zinc Chloride acid bath and then rinse it for hundreds of linear meters of rollers. Andy & Biggi seemed to enjoy the tour, though that wasn’t unexpected from Andy since he’s a guy and it’s giant machinery making stuff(insert Tim Taylor grunt). I was worried about Biggi being bored to tears but it worked out OK.

After the tour we hit to road South toward Öhringen. We started off on the autobahn (most Americans think of “The Autobahn” as a specific road, but really it’s just German for “highway”) but after a bit we turned off to side roads and drove into Heidelberg. It’s a beautiful old city, though we didn’t have time to do anything in the actual city aside from drive through it. We did drive up a winding road to the castle and walked around snapping tons of pictures. The most amazing bit of the castle is actually a ruin. One of the typical tower cylinders you see had split almost in half down it’s height, with the outside part mostly just sliding down do the ground to that it still rests against the castle. It’s sort of like opening a dollhouse where you can look inside. I could try to describe more, but picture being worth more words than even I am able to type (ok, more than YOU are willing to read) just click the photo gallery link and you’ll find tons of pics.

 

We stayed off the autobahn for the rest of the trip, winding along the river Neckar. It’s a gorgeous ride that Andy & Biggi have done tons of times on motorcycles and even in a Volkswagen bus a time or two. You pass though village after village built into the hills on either side of the river, with the occasional castle-like villa perched hillside from time-to-time. They’re the kind of roads I love to take the Vette out on(cue the foreshadowing music).

We arrived in Öhringen at Cristel’s (Biggi’s mom) around 5:00pm where we were greeted with hugs(Cristel), handshakes (Peter, her figure-out-a-better-word-for-significant-other-someday because boyfriend sounds stupid for adults) and of course food. We had a hotdog-like sausage the name of which I can’t recall <begin recurring theme of trip> as well as something that sounds like “flysalad” when you hear it, but is a sort of coleslaw. Good pretzels and mustard to go with. The rest of the evening is spent having some drinks and waiting for midnight and therefore Biggi’s birthday to arrive. They had no beer when we got there, but Andy made a comment to me in English about the next day making sure we had some GOOD beer that was SUPPOSED to be an aside, however Peter of the ultra-sharp hearing ventured out to the store and soon we were drinking an excellent Pils called Rothaus, aka Roadhouse. Good stuff, nice hoppy bite but a good medium lager-style base and WAY too easy to drink. Andy & I made a dent in the case the the case dented back. All in all a good evening. Some inevitable downtime for me as neither Cristel nor Peter speak English, but they had a lot of catching up to do and it’s not their fault that I don’t speak German, certainly not “A Good German” like Biggi anyway. Midnight came, hugs & kisses and we were all ready for bed. We were staying at Cristel’s through Sunday so she & Peter packed up and headed to his place.

Wednesday was of course Biggi’s birthday and with the big party on Saturday she needed to get to the hairdresser. This isn’t any old trip to the hairdresser of course, this is a 4+ hour affair full of coffee, facials, hand jobs rubs and girl talk at the shop run by her good friend Elke. Andy dropped her off in the morning and he & I ran some errands and had a beer. We went to pick her up and an hour or so later (it will only be 20 minutes) I observed that I’m pretty sure the scissors didn’t move unless either Biggi’s or Elke’s mouth were moving. This earned me dirty looks and I’m sure a few words equally pleasant that I blissfully couldn’t understand. And of course once she was finished, we had to circle back to pick up the set of pictures Andy had printed out as a “here’s the house we bought in New Hampshire” report to show folks. Cue that damned foreshadowing music again.

Later that evening we were to have dinner with her parents and their respective partners. First was some coffee and wine at Cristel’s, where it came to my attention that the grit I had discovered in my mouth after lunch (German sandwich equivalent of a hotdog I’m told, again, I forget the name of that too) was not from the bones of some animal I’d probably be happier not identifying, but in fact from a filling which was falling out of one of my teeth. It didn’t hurt at this point, but since it seemed like I had the Grand Canyon yawning in one of my molars I decided it would be wise to call the dentist and see if I could get an appointment on Friday when Biggi had one already scheduled. Dinner was at a hotel restaurant called I believe The Rose and was excellent. Andy, Biggi & I did our own sort of smorgasbord ordering 3 different dishes and passing them around. One was a sirloin covered in a brown sauce with grilled onions, one was vension filet in a gravy and the last a pork tenderloin in a mushroom in a Bernaise sauce. All were delicious and accompanied by a bottle of local wine that was light but very nice. This of course followed by the German variant of a banana split, which instead of various toppings involves simple a banana crème liqueur sauce and a few waffle wafers to go with the ice cream and banana. I could have cared less about the ice cream after a few bites, the wafers with the sauce had my undivided attention. Another pleasant evening spent, and compared to the one to come next a very early evening! Nah, no foreshadowing here, there was a party on Thursday and we drank a lot and were out late, that’s not worth a soundtrack.

On Thursday morning Biggi’s mom joined us to do some shopping in Öringhen, which is again another very pretty German town. The towns & villages here are very old of course and so they have narrow streets and are frequently restricted to foot traffic only so it’s sort of an outdoor mall, only much more relaxed. The shopping was mostly to stock up on things they can’t buy in the US but we did stop so that my style guru Biggi could advise me on a new pair of sunglasses at her favorite eyeglass store. It’s owned & operated by a husband/wife/daughter team and it doesn’t take long to figure out why Biggi likes it there. She and the wife soon had me trying on all sorts of glasses and I think the point where they would ask me to actually look in the mirror was really just ego salve for me. However I did lay down the law at the Elvis glasses! Wound up with a very nice new pair of RayBans and even with the god-awful exchange rate they really weren’t more than I would have paid in the states, especially after I sent Andy back the next day to get me a receipt that showed the VAT which I can get back at the airport in Paris(19%).

 

 

We stopped at a Turkish place to grab a bite for lunch and indulge in what seems to be the German equivalent of a cheesesteak, which they call a Kabob. It’s a lot like a Gyro, with roasted lamb(I think), lettuce, tomato and some sort of sauce. Whatever the hell it is it’s DAMNED tasty. Andy ordered his and mine “schauft”, which basically means they throw a pile of curry on it. I tried the traditional Turkish drink that goes with it called Ayran (pronounced Iron) which is a salty yogurt drink, but even with the curry it was too salty for my taste.

After our shopping & lunch Biggi needed to get to a doctor’s appointment so Andy & I took advantage of the time to hunt down some internet access! A very good friend of Andy’s (former boss) and his wife have this great house and importantly for us that day even though they weren’t home they had a wireless router. Andy called Andreas (yes, another Andy) and he was kind enough to provide his password for access so we drove over and sat on their back porch (Tahiti as Joe described it) and leeched bandwidth for a couple of hours. This man Andreas is my new hero, he called his teenage son Marius and sent him home to “make sure those 2 guys have beer.” We of course had brought a few of our own, but they didn’t last and Marius’ presence was deeply appreciated.

 

Andreas and Susan’s house is great. The bathroom is a design of pure genius. It is 4x larger than any bathroom I’ve seen outside the US (aside from perhaps Surender’s “throne” room in India) with a GREAT triangular Jacuzzi tub and a killer shower stall complete with one of the latest shower towers with heads for back massage. Did I mention we’re staying there next week? Wireless broadband, a great bathroom and lots of beer, they’ll lucky to get rid of me. After Biggi finished at the doctor she joined us there so we moved from the back porch to a sunroom out front that is just packed with plants, as well as comfy chairs and a table. Andreas came home while we were still there so we hung out for a bit while I finished burning up his bandwidth uploading pics, checking e-mails, etc. I look very much forward to our return to their home.

We headed to Elke’s birthday party, which was held at her home. Her husband Thomas is an architect and boy does it show. The house is something straight out of a magazine. Ultra modern, lots of angles, very minimalist, nothing on the walls and designed down to every last detail. And of course since it’s a house it’s a never ending project. It’s cool in the extreme, not a place I would want to live in, but cool in the extreme. Aside from the food the party would be easily recognizable as any small birthday gathering in the US – a collection of family, close friends and 1 foreigner. OK, so except that last bit recognizable. But the food was very good so it made up for my presence. A few of the people invited spoke English so I wasn’t completely dependent on Andy & Biggi for the evening. Elke understands English but is reluctant to attempt to speak it. This has turned out to be very common, and considering the smattering of German I know I can completely relate, you are always a bit hesitant that you will say the wrong thing. Thomas was more willing to try to speak English than his wife, and with some Weiss beer acting as a social lubricant was more and more likely to do so as the evening wore on. I also spent some time chatting with their friend Kristen (no clue about the spelling here) and her husband-to-be. Pardon my being so male as to remember the hot brunette’s name while forgetting the guy’s. Names, be they people or towns, seem to be the hardest thing to get to stick in your memory. Strange as it may sound, for people’s names I generally do better if I try to get the American/Britisth version of the name (when there is one) in my head, then attempt to apply the correct pronunciation.

So anyway, it was a good evening and around midnight seemed to be winding down. I had gone easy with beer during the evening so that Andy could enjoy the party so it felt like after a near-week of pretty steady partying I was finally going to have an easy evening. This however was not to be. During the course of a conversation earlier in the evening Andy had mentioned to Thomas that I liked red wine. So at midnight Thomas asks me if I like red wine, I of course say yes, which also inevitably leads to Thomas dashing out of the room to grab a bottle. Thomas clearly enjoys a good bottle of wine and was far too enthusiastic about it to dare say no, so after the 2^nd glass when I tried to say “hey I gotta drive” I was told in no uncertain terms that there’s a reason taxis exist. They’re far easier to get here as well, so we moved on to plan B, I was NOT driving home. Which was a good thing, after two more bottles of red(that’s 3 bottles for those of you playing at home).

The region is very much a wine region, mostly with a grape that tastes to me like Pinot Noir. Everywhere you drive you see vines in the hills. The tendency is toward light drinking wines, but Thomas opened up a reserve bottle first and it was very good. The second he opened was a lighter red more typical of the region. Compared to what I had tried previously of that variety it was good, but I definitely prefer heavier, drier reds. The third and last bottle he opened was a 2004 reserve and that was my favorite of the bunch. I wish I could remember the names and share, but the language barrier and aforementioned names issue makes that impossible. Suffice it to say, 3:00am arrived and found us getting out of a taxi at Cristel’s flat, facing dentist appointments in the morning. But still well worth it. Thank you Thomas for sharing some of the best bottles from your stock and for being willing to try speaking English. You’re much better at it than you think you are and I had a great evening. I hope someday I get an opportunity to return the favor.

Elke & Biggi, 20 years later, still hot!

 

 

Thomas, Wine Afficiando

And since this post started with a path to hell reference, I’ll end it on Thursday instead of Friday, as I intended…